I've spent a week avoiding and creating this blog. My issues with blogging aside, I was most afraid of posting my thoughts balls-out on a somewhat-regular basis. I wasn't going to let fear have me, so I set my phone alarm to ring at midnight - every night - until I made the damn thing. After 7 reminders to blog dammit! I finally made a domain name.
Truth be told, you should have been reading this post Monday night/Tuesday morning, but I got wrapped up in designing my page. I'm a perfectionist and I wanted my blog to look exactly the way I imagined it. I spent forever looking for layouts then, well, I'm sure you can see FUCK IT written all over the white space.
I'm quite irked that I can't bring my vision of this blog to fruition (at least in a design sense). The fear, perfectionism, FUCK IT, and irkedness that have kept me from this blog are the story of my life: When I finally try something new and things don't go according to my plan, I FUCK IT and move on to something else, annoyed.
Determinedly, I didn't let my designfail keep me from blogging. I guess you can say I'm changing the plot of my story then, right? And if you don't say it, I am: I'm changing the plot of my story. Bye-bye perfectionism! Hello negative capability!
As a first step in leaving doors open and things untidy, this blog will have plenty of posts that have nothing to do with my time in Kenya, that may be TMI, that will sight-see through my thoughts without any destination, that may have nothing to do with me. Get used to it or don't subscribe.
Anyway. I'm in Kenya for the next four months. I've really been trying not to think about it. Maybe I'll say more later to keep ya'll from reading an overly-long post. =]
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And this is exactly why I'm gonna miss you...Take that Fuck It and apply it to that fear (use your demons against each other)...you better change that plot girl.
ReplyDeleteAnd to answer the question next your picture...no. But you will have more power over them because knowledge is power. Understanding the way these things work can lead to the ability to work around/through/despite them. I think this is one thing I am learning about being a grown-up...it's not so much about not being afraid or doubtful or feeling inept. It's about doing/going despite all that.
Enjoy Kenya! Bon Voyage, love. Safe Travels. You've got folks praying for you. We'll be here when you get back. Now, go explore the world...it's waiting for you.
-Can
First it's definitely a blessing you made it safe--those Trans-Atlantic plane trips are no joke.
ReplyDeleteAfter taking Web Design last semester I've definitely agonized over those annoying details of putting together a page the way you want, hopefully it comes together in time.
Just as hopefully, through the experiences you have in Nairobi you can build on wherever you're at now--mentally, academically, spiritually, any part of your life really. It might be immediately certain where that's all leading to but, that can be a positive in a strange way, I think.
Looking forward to the next post!
-Suspence!
Well you've always had strong opinions and it's about damn time you got yourself a blog young lady.
ReplyDeleteI really want you to enjoy your experience without anxiety and trepidation. Look forward to your adventures and those who come into you life especially because God put them there for a reason. You may miss those you've left behind, but what's there to miss when we're all only a email/call/facebook message away. And remember II Timothy 1:7. "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." So have a grand time, and be safe. We're all praying for ya. ^.^
-Dionne
Baby I'm proud!!! And so excited for you right now! I'm with you on the whole "I made this for study abroad, but it might not be much about study abroad" tip. Just write what you feel. Ha. It will be quite a freeing experience to make your deepest darkest thoughts public domain. I love you. Find the beauty in EVERYTHING. It's there, I swear it. Every week do something you've never done before and post about it. (maybe, lol. at least tell me!) Don't let the time fly by too fast. Search for truths about the universe in unexpected places, i.e. from within.
ReplyDeletethanks ya'll! ...i know i said i'd write something more thoughtful, but there's really nothing left to say on this at the moment. anywho. you guys have a wonderful semester.
ReplyDeleteseniors: ROCK THAT 2ND SEMESTER!!!
dionne: don't worry about me too much =)
audrey: most def.